August 16, 1998.  Josh and Abby’s wedding, and two birthdays. (#189)

“Bride or groom’s side?” the usher asked.  I knew quite a few guests attending this wedding, but I did not know this usher.

“I know both,” I said as I heard people approach behind me.  “I’m not sure which side I should be on.

Apparently one of the people approaching behind me was Taylor Santiago, because next I heard his voice say, “Come sit with us!”

“Okay,” I said.  I followed Taylor to a row in the middle of the church where Noah Snyder, Cambria Hawley, Erica Foster, Sasha Travis, Brody Parker, and Martin Rhodes were sitting, on the groom’s side, along with Adam White, the youth pastor here at Jeromeville Covenant Church.  I knew Abby and Josh through several different connections, most notably that Josh and I had been roommates for two years, but all of these connections ultimately led back to church and to Jeromeville Christian Fellowship.  The two of them had been leaders with the junior high group, along with me and the others I was sitting with.  Abby and Josh were going to switch to the high school group for next year, though, because both of them were close with students who would be starting high school.

Dan Keenan, the college pastor at J-Cov, began speaking about God’s divine and holy purposes for marriage.  Dan’s Sunday school teaching, and his sermons when he occasionally preached on Sundays, often followed some kind of acronym.  Since Abby and Josh were avid snowboarders, Dan explained four important keys to a Godly marriage using the acronym S-N-O-W.

I started to get bored about ten minutes into Dan’s sermon, so I looked around the room.  I recognized many faces, but I did not know everyone at this wedding.  Abby and Josh each had friends from before they came to Jeromeville, as well as people who they met from places other than church, and family members.  Weddings were still a new experience for me.  I attended a couple of weddings of relatives as a young child, then none for many years, but this was now my second wedding right here at J-Cov in less than two months.  I was now twenty-two years old, with a number of my friends in very serious relationships or engaged, so I expected that I would be going to many more weddings over the next couple of years.  And while I was happy for Abby and Josh, they were perfect for each other, I was finding weddings to be boring and unrelatable to me.  I had never had a girlfriend, I had never been in love, I had never come close to anything like this happening to me.  I had no frame of reference for what it was like to be pledging my life to be committed to someone in love.

After Pastor Dan’s sermon, Josh and Abby recited vows to each other and exchanged rings.  At Scott and Amelia Madison’s wedding, the one I had been to earlier this summer, one of the groomsmen stepped out and played sound effects of metal being forged, then returned with the ring.  Nothing silly happened with Josh and Abby’s ring presentation, though.  Dan pronounced the couple husband and wife, and everyone stood and clapped as Josh and Abby walked down the center aisle.

“How’s it goin’, Greg?” Noah asked once the newlyweds had left the room.  “Happy birthday, by the way!”

“Yeah, man!” Taylor added.  “Happy birthday!”

“I forgot it was your birthday!” Cambria said.  “Did you do anything exciting?”

“Today’s your birthday?” Sasha asked.  “Isn’t it Abby’s birthday too?  I heard someone say she was getting married on her birthday.”

“My birthday was yesterday,” I explained.  “I didn’t really do anything.  I was at my parents’ house last week, so they took me to dinner the night before I left to come back here.”

“Well, happy birthday!” Sasha replied.

“And you were right, it is Abby’s birthday today.  I’m one day older than her.”

“I think that would be kind of weird, getting married on my birthday.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because then my birthday would also be my anniversary, and I wouldn’t get a special day anymore.  I’d have to share it with my husband.”

“I guess that makes sense,” I said.  “But on the other hand, that means Josh is never going to forget Abby’s birthday.”

“He better not forget his wife’s birthday anyway, whatever day it is.”

“True.”

This wedding and the Madisons’ were the only ones I had been to as an adult, so I naturally found myself comparing the two wedding ceremonies and receptions in my mind as the day went on.  As I drove from the church to the reception, I kept expecting this reception to be significantly scaled down compared to the Madison wedding two months earlier.  Both wedding ceremonies were at Jeromeville Covenant Church, but the Madisons’ reception was on the other side of the Drawbridge, in a fancy ballroom in downtown Capital City.  Abby and Josh had rented the much simpler, and geographically closer, Jeromeville Veterans Memorial Hall.  I had been past that building many times in my car and on my bike, but I never knew what was inside.

The Veterans Memorial Hall was on 15th Street, less than a mile from the church.  It was part of a large park that included sports fields, a playground, a public swimming pool, and the place where people gathered every Fourth of July to watch fireworks.  Jeromeville High School was right next to the Veterans Memorial Hall.  I parked in the attached parking lot, between the park and the school, and walked inside.  It appeared that this building was just a community center that the city parks department rented out for events; the “Veterans Memorial” name referred to a series of plaques on the outside wall of the building listing names of Jeromevillians who died in foreign wars.  The main room was full of folding tables and chairs.  The tables were covered with plain white tablecloths and simple centerpieces with flowers.  As I suspected, this was less fancy than the Madisons’ reception, but this did not bother me at all.

I was about to sit at a table close to the long table where it appeared the food would be served until I noticed someone else’s name at the table.  I walked around trying to find my name until I remembered that everyone’s table assignment might be listed somewhere.  I returned to the entrance and found the list of table assignments, then walked to my table, at the complete opposite end of the room from the food table.  I was the first one to sit down at my table, and looking at the other name cards on the table, I deduced that Abby and Josh had arranged the seats intentionally, so that the wedding guests who knew each other would be sitting together as  much as possible.  The other youth group leaders, the same ones I sat with at the ceremony, were all at my table.  Sasha’s name card was at my table, but not directly next to me.  Hopefully I would still get a chance to talk to her

Since neither Sasha nor any of the others at my table had arrived yet, I walked around the room.  The other early arrivals included a few people I knew from church, so I spent a few minutes catching up with them.  I also looked around at the decorations.  On one wall was a bulletin board with the title “JOSHUA & ABIGAIL” spelled out on top, covered with photographs.  Pictures of Josh’s childhood adorned the left side of the bulletin board, pictures of Abby’s childhood on the right, and pictures of the two of them together in the center.  Josh and Abby were an outdoors-loving couple, and many of the pictures of them together depicted them hiking, camping, or snowboarding.  A guestbook was on a table next to the photos; I signed it.

By the time I got back to my table, Noah, Cambria, Erica, and Sasha had arrived.  “Hey,” I said as I returned to the table.

“So when does student teaching start?” Noah asked.  “High schools start earlier than UJ, so do you have to start when the school starts?”

“Yeah,” I replied.  “A week from Monday, I have to go to the teacher meetings and some training that comes with the textbook.  Then the first day of school is the 31st.”

“And do your classes back at Jeromeville start then too?”

“Only the weekly seminar where the math students teachers meet and discuss things specific to math.  The other classes I have to take follow the university schedule.”

“I see.  Are you excited?”

“Excited.  And nervous.  I don’t really know what to expect.  But this is what I’m doing with my life now, so that part of it is exciting,” I explained.

Taylor and Martin had arrived while I was talking to Noah.  “What school are you at?” Martin asked.

“Nueces High,” I answered.  “Same school where Josh will be working.”

“Josh?” Sasha asked.  “This Josh?  He’s working at Nueces High?”

“Yes.  Josh finished his student teaching last year, and he got hired at Nueces High, to teach science.  So I’m going to know someone else on the faculty.”

“That’ll be fun for you two!”

“I know,” I said.  I tried to think of something else to say; I wanted to continue talking to Sasha.  She wore a black dress, slightly more formal than what I was used to her wearing, but otherwise she looked the same as she always did, with long, straight, brown hair and glasses over somewhat flattened facial features.  Sasha was not drop-dead gorgeous in the usual sense, but there was something charming and cute about her when combined with her enthusiastic yet slightly sassy personality.  “So how’s your summer going, Sasha?” I asked.  “How do you like being done with high school?”

“It’s nice,” Sasha replied.  “I’m mostly looking forward to moving out in a couple weeks!  And I won’t have to live in a dorm with other freshmen.”

“That’ll be nice, although my dorm experience wasn’t all that bad.  That’s where I met Taylor, remember.”  I gestured collectively toward Sasha, Erica, and Cambria, and said, “You three will be living together?  And Courtney and another girl I don’t know?  Is that right?”

“Yes!  It’s gonna be so much fun?”

“What?” Cambria asked.  “Did someone say my name?”

“I was just talking with Sasha about your apartment next year,” I explained.

“I’m excited!  You’re gonna be in the same house next year, but with different roommates, right?  Obviously Josh won’t be there, since he’s married now.”

“Yeah.  Sean and I are still there, and Brody and Jed Wallace are moving in.  And Josh and Abby got an apartment in south Jeromeville, on Cornell Boulevard.  This is the first year since I started at UJ that I won’t be moving.”

“That’ll be nice.”

The master of ceremonies introduced Josh and Abby some time later.  Josh led the wedding guests in a prayer for the meal, and the guests were dismissed one table at a time to get food.  Each table had already been served bread and butter for an appetizer, and I had long since devoured more than my share of my table’s bread.  I was ready to eat, but it appeared that my table would not be dismissed for a while.

The meal was chicken, salad, and some kind of pasta.  It was not bad, but not really my usual kind of meal.  “When I get married, I’m going to have my wedding catered by In-N-Out Burger,” I commented.

“I don’t think your future wife would want that,” Taylor said.

“Well, then,” I explained, “if she doesn’t, then she isn’t the one for me.”

“I don’t think it works like that.”

“Why not?  If I’m going to marry someone, we need to have things in common.”

“Yeah, but your love of In-N-Out Burger isn’t really one of those essential things.  Especially when you’re planning a wedding.  You have to compromise on some things,” Taylor explained.

“Greg does have a point, though” Brody countered.  “It’s important to have things in common.”

“Thank you,” I said, feeling humorously vindicated.

As the guests ate, Josh and Abby wandered among the tables, talking to their friends and family.  When it was my turn, Abby greeted me with an enthusiastic “Greg!” and Josh shook my hand, saying, “Hey, buddy.”

“Congratulations,” I said.  Then, turning to Abby, I added, “And happy birthday.”

“Thank you!” she replied.  “Didn’t you just have a birthday too?”

“It was yesterday.”

“Happy birthday!  Are we the same age?  Twenty-two?”

“Yes.  I’m one day older than you.  And now Josh will never forget your birthday, because it’s his anniversary too.”

“I know!  We need to get around to the other tables, but we’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yes.”  Turning to Josh, I added, “And Josh, I’ll see you at work a week from Monday.”

“Yeah!” Josh replied.  “For sure!  Are you ready for student teaching?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

After dinner, the master of ceremonies invited members of the wedding party to toast the new couple.  Although I knew a lot of people at this wedding, most of the wedding party was made up of people whom Abby and Josh had grown up with.  The only person in the wedding party whom I knew was Sam Hoffman, Josh’s friend who had also lived at our house last year.  Sam and Josh were both physics majors, so most of Sam’s toast consisted of stories about late nights studying and working in the lab together.

Next, it was time to cut the cake.  The guests stood and gathered around the table with the cake.  Sasha got up a few seconds before I did, so I followed her and stood next to her.  She turned around when she heard me approach.  “Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” I replied.

“I was going to tell you earlier.  I really like your tie.”

“Thanks,” I said, smiling and blushing a little.  I was wearing the only tie I had; it was red, with dark blue diagonal stripes outlined in white.  When I graduated in June, I did not have a tie to wear with the shirt I wore under my graduation gown.  I had the clip-on bow tie that came with my tuxedo that I got for chorus performances, but Mom said that was too formal for graduation, so she brought one of Grandpa’s ties.  “It belonged to my grandfather,” I explained.

“Well, I’m sure he would have thought you were handsome.”

After Sasha said that, I realized that I had worded my statement awkwardly.  “He’s still alive,” I said.

“Oh!” Sasha replied.  “Then I’m sure he would find you handsome if he were here today.”

“Thank you.” I smiled as Josh and Abby took their pieces of cake and carefully moved their hands up to feed each other.  Abby smashed her cake in Josh’s face, and Josh did the same a split second later.  The guests cheered.  I did not.  “I don’t like this tradition of smashing the cake in each other’s face,” I said.

“But it’s fun!” Sasha replied.

“It’s your wedding!  It’s a serious event, and a solemn covenant before God.  And you’re supposed to trust your spouse, not mess up each other’s faces on your big day.”

“It’s not that big a deal!  Weddings can be fun!”

“I guess,” I said.

Josh and Abby wiped down their cake-stained faces as the master of ceremonies announced that it was time for the first dance.  It was a slow song which I had never heard before, but the voice and musical style were sufficiently familiar for me to guess that it was a song by Toad the Wet Sprocket.  Josh was a huge fan of that band and played their music in the living room sometimes when we lived together last year.  Before I met Josh, I already knew a few of their songs from hearing them on the radio.

A little later, the master of ceremonies announced that the dance floor was open to guests.  I had no interest in dancing to the clichéd pop songs typical of wedding receptions, but after a few of those songs, the disc jockey started playing swing music.  Swing dancing had become a huge nationwide fad over the last year, and while it took me a while to get on board, I had enjoyed learning swing dancing over the last couple months.  I turned to Sasha and asked, “Would you like to dance?”

“I would!” she replied.  I led her to the dance floor arm in arm and began dancing with her, enjoying the music and enjoying her smile.  At one point in the song, I turned her in a slightly different way than usual.  Matthew, who taught the swing dancing lesson at the University Bar & Grill, had taught this move last week, and I practiced it with everyone I danced with that night.  This was the first time I had done this move with Sasha.

“That’s a new one!” Sasha exclaimed, smiling.  “I like that!”

“Thank you,” I replied.  I did the same move two more times with Sasha later in that song, and I dipped her low into my arms on the final beat.

“You’re getting a lot better!” she said as we walked off the dance floor.

“Thank you!  Will you be at the U-Bar tonight after the wedding?”

“I will!  Will you?”

“Yes.  I’ll probably miss the lesson, but I was going to head over there as soon as this is over.  Save me another dance there?”

“Of course!”

Sasha did save me a dance at the U-Bar that night.  Two, in fact.  I kept doing that turn that she complimented until I realized that I probably should not keep repeating the same move over and over again.  I had a sense that nothing would ever happen between Sasha and me.  I was not popular with girls, and she was only eighteen, probably too young for me.  But I hoped I was wrong about that.

Grandpa never asked for his tie back, and I still have it today.  Once I started buying my own ties, I stopped wearing Grandpa’s as often.  As far as I can remember, no one else ever complimented me on that specific tie that way.

As I lay in bed that night waiting to drift off to sleep, I thought back on all that had happened today.  This was a milestone of sorts in my life, the first time I had been to a wedding of someone who was younger than me.  Josh was twenty-five, though, so it was not true that both people getting married were younger.  That milestone would not come for another two and a half years, at Liz Wlliams and Ramon Quintero’s wedding.  Liz and Ramon were barely younger than me, though; all of us were born in the same year, but I was a couple months older than either of them.  Liz and Ramon also went to J-Cov, but they were not at Abby and Josh’s wedding today; neither of them was in Jeromeville this summer.

Sasha enjoyed seeing the couple smash cake in each other’s faces at weddings.  If things did work out between Sasha and me, she would probably want to smash cake in my face at our wedding.  I most definitely did not want this.  But at this point, I felt willing to compromise on this one little moment of one day if it meant getting to be with Sasha for the rest of my life.  I might even be persuaded to find a real caterer instead of In-N-Out Burger.  As I fell asleep that night, I kept thinking about Sasha’s cute smile and giggle as she smashed a piece of wedding cake in my face.

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Readers: What are your thoughts about smashing the cake in each other’s faces at a wedding? Or any other wedding traditions? Let me know in the comments!

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