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It wasn’t fair, I thought. It only took about three minutes to drive to Darren and Katrina’s house on 15th Street, but that thought was running through my mind the whole way there, as it had been off and on for the last several days, ever since Clint Ryland told me at church on Sunday that Darren and Katrina would be hosting Bible study this year.
Darren Ng and Katrina Twigg were both a year behind me at Jeromeville Christian Fellowship. I used to see them around large group meetings all the time, and I saw Darren at the Man of Steel Tournaments and sometimes at the X-Files watch parties at the De Anza house. A few years ago, the same summer I went to Oregon, a group of students from JCF went on a short-term mission trip to China; Darren and Katrina came back from that trip boyfriend and girlfriend. The following year, I saw a lot less of them around JCF, and I learned why when I ran into them at the grocery store one day: Katrina was pregnant.
I had overheard mutual friends say that they had a son now, Ethan, who was born in December, almost a year ago. I also overheard that Darren and Katrina had gotten married, and that they both had put their educational plans on hold, with neither of them having graduated yet. It all seemed unfair to me. I had been hearing messages for years about how God designed us to not be sexually involved with people we were not married to. Some of the books that were trendy among Christian young adults these days took it one step further, making the point that dating was not Biblical, that spending time alone with the opposite sex led to temptation, and that the best way was to get to know the opposite sex platonically and then jump straight to planning marriage, all without dating. I was not that extreme. I had borrowed the most popular book in this genre, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, from Taylor Santiago, and I could not finish it. It felt a bit extreme, and it seemed written for people who had found Christ after having had experience making bad choices in previous relationships. It was unhelpful to someone like me who did not know how to get in a relationship to begin with. But I still held to the ideals of waiting for marriage and getting to know someone as friends first, and it seemed unfair that this never worked out for me, while Darren and Katrina had their happy family after going about everything in the wrong order. For that matter, one of the Bible verses I heard quoted most often on this subject, “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,” was attributed to Solomon, and he was not exactly known for following God’s plan for sexuality.
Of course, I knew that I was being petty and judgmental. I also knew that it was none of my business what Darren and Katrina were and were not doing with their private lives. I knew that their lives were probably not perfect. And I knew in my heart that no girl owed me a relationship, and that I should be rejoicing in the fact that God loved me and put boundaries around his plan for sexuality, to guard my heart and keep me healthy. But it all still seemed unfair. And I was actually looking forward to seeing Darren and Katrina again, and meeting baby Ethan for the first time.
I had never been inside the Ngs’ house, but I knew exactly where it was, and the floor plan was familiar once I got inside. The house was half of a duplex with the same floor plan as mine, only mirrored, and the other half of the house was the JCF Staff House, where I had been many times. The McAllens, who ran JCF, rented the Staff House with Cheryl, another full-time JCF staff member. Normally, other part-time JCF staff also rented rooms at the Staff House, but this year they were not renting their spare room because the McAllens had a baby on the way.
JCF had been such a big part of my life for the last four years, but it was now primarily in the past. JCF was specifically a group for students, and while I had never explicitly asked whether or not I could still be part of the group now that I was not a student anymore, I did not remember anyone sticking around the group after finishing school. Alumni did visit JCF occasionally, though, and I had not ruled out occasionally attending as a visitor.
Despite that, now that I was no longer a student, it no longer felt right to attempt to be part of a JCF Bible study. Fortunately, I still had my church, Jeromeville Covenant, and there were a few others there in the same situation as me, no longer in school and were now without a small group. The church had a college and career group, and a young adults group, but the young adults group was really a de facto young married couples group, so Clint Ryland and Tabitha Sasaki, both from my year, had approached the church leadership about starting a small group for those of us in between. The Ngs had stepped up to host it at their house.
I knocked at the door, and Darren answered. “Hey, Greg,” he said. “Come on in.” I walked to the living room, where the dining room chairs had been brought to the living room to make a circle around the couch and recliner that were already there. I sat in the recliner. Clint and Tabitha sat on the couch with an Asian girl whom I vaguely remembered seeing around but had never talked to. A few minutes later, Ajeet Tripathi arrived, with a short blonde girl whom I had not met before. I waved in Ajeet’s general direction.
“Hey, Greg,” Ajeet said. “How’s teaching?”
“The usual. Some kids are doing fine, some aren’t. And I’ve been doing the scoreboard for home football games. That’s been fun; it counts as all the extracurricular activity supervision I have to do for the year, and I get to sit out of the wind.”
“Nice! Have you met Shannon?”
“I don’t think so,” I replied.
“Hi,” Shannon said, walking over to the recliner and shaking my hand. “I’m Shannon.”
“Greg,” I replied, shaking back. “Nice to meet you.”
A few minutes later, no one else had shown up, so Clint and Tabitha got everyone’s attention to get the group started. “We were thinking we’d start with a brief introduction. Most of us know each other, but we don’t all necessarily, and some of us might have new things going on in life.”
“I’ll start,” Clint said. “I’m Clint, and I’m getting a Ph.D. in linguistics. This is my second year. I went to Jeromeville as an undergrad too.”
Tabitha went next, and the introductions continued around the circle from there. “I’m Tabitha,” she said. “I graduated from Jeromeville in 1998, I took last year off, and now I’m doing the student teaching program at Cap State. I’d like to teach upper elementary school, like fourth or fifth grade, but I might not get my choice. And most of you know Eddie Baker, he’s on part-time staff with JCF, he’s my boyfriend.”
“I’m Cassandra,” the girl on the couch said. “I just graduated with a degree in biology. I’m going to take this year off, maybe next year too, then apply to medical school.”
“I’m Ajeet,” Ajeet began. “I just finished my degree in statistics. I’m looking at jobs for sports statistics. I love baseball. My dream would be to work for the Bay City Titans, but that’s a long shot.”
“Go Titans!” I exclaimed. “I was at the last game at Bay Vista Park, last week.”
“No way. I’m so jealous.”
“Yeah. That was the first time I’ve ever had a substitute.”
Shannon was next. I listened closely since I did not know her at all, although I had gathered from the way she and Ajeet were acting that they were a couple. “I’m Shannon,” she said. “I’m still in school at UJ. This is my fourth year, but I don’t think I’m graduating this year.” I noticed a hint of a Southern accent as she continued, “I’m a math major, and Ajeet told me someone else who was gonna be here tonight was a math major. Who is that?”
“That’s me!” I said. “I’m Greg, I graduated in 1998 with my B.S. and 1999 with my teacher certificate, and now I’m teaching math at Jorgensen High School, next to Tyler Air Force Base.”
“I know where that is!” Shannon exclaimed excitedly. “That’s where my parents live.”
“Oh, yeah? Did you go to Jorgensen?”
“No. I went to high school in Alabama. My dad is in the Air Force, and he got transferred to Tyler. We moved there right after high school. I went two years at Fairview City College, then transferred to Jeromeville last year.”
“I see. That’s cool.”
Darren and Katrina finished the introductions. Darren had just started working as an emergency medical technician, and Katrina was staying home with Ethan but hoped to go back to school eventually. “This little guy is ours,” Katrina announced, picking Ethan up from the floor and putting him in her lap.
“He’s cute,” Cassandra said.
Tabitha put her guitar on her lap and led us in a few worship songs. Afterward, Clint said, “So this week we aren’t really doing a study. We just wanted to get some ideas on what people want to study for next week. Like, do we want to do a book study? Or study a topic?”
“I’ve always kind of wanted to do a book study on Revelation,” Ajeet suggested. “But I don’t know if we’re ready for that.”
“I’d love to do that too,” Clint replied, “but I think we’d need more time to prepare. Maybe sometime later this group can tackle Revelation.”
“James was always one of my favorite books,” Katrina said.
“James is an option,” Clint announced. “Any other suggestions?”
A few other suggestions got thrown around, but in the end we decided to go with Katrina’s suggestion to study the Epistle of James. “We’ll start the actual study next week,” Clint said. “Any prayer requests?”
We went around and shared prayer requests. Darren asked for prayer for his new job. Cassandra needed to find a job; she had an interview coming up. I said, “Pray for me as a teacher. It’s a rough job, and a lot of kids aren’t very respectful and don’t do their work.
“That’s why I could never be a teacher,” Darren said. “I’d be like, ‘Shut up!’” He made a motion as if slapping someone. “Not really, but I don’t want to have to deal with a bunch of kids talking back like that. I have a few more years before this one starts talking back,” he said, gesturing toward Ethan.
“I’d get in trouble for sure if I slapped them.”
We went around in a circle, each of us praying for the person to our left. When it came to Shannon’s turn, she said, “God, I pray for Greg. I pray that you will give him patience to deal with disrespectful kids. I pray that those students will have their eyes opened and realize that they have a wonderful teacher who cares about them. I pray that Greg will turn to you when things get difficult, and that he will be a light to these students.”
“I pray for Darren,” I said a few seconds after Shannon finished. “I thank you for giving him this job, so he can provide for his family. I pray that you will be with him on those days when it feels difficult, or when there is a lot of pressure from the nature of the job. I pray that he will be a light to his coworkers, that they will see Jesus in him through the way he lives. And I pray for wisdom to bring up Ethan in the ways of the Lord. I pray for Darren and Katrina as parents, that their lives will show Jesus to Ethan as he grows up.”
After we finished prayer requests, the eight of us sat around making small talk as people trickled out. I did not stay too long, because I had to get up early in the morning. When I got home, I heard voices in the living room. I walked toward the voices; Brody was on the couch with Holly, his friend who he insisted was just a friend and nothing more, watching something on television. They did not appear to be acting like anything more than just friends.
“Hey, Greg,” Brody said. Then, as if interrupting himself, he added, “Oh! Go show Holly your game!”
“My game?” I asked. “The Dog Crap and Vince game?”
“Yeah! I was telling her earlier about this video game you’re making, based on your silly comic thing, and how brilliant it is.”
“Thanks,” I said, glad that someone was enjoying it. “Come on.” I walked back to my room and motioned for Brody and Holly to follow me.
As my computer started up, Brody told me, “Show her the part where you have to get past the little kid who asks for the password. That was my favorite part of what you showed me so far.”
“What kind of game is this?” Holly asked.
“It’s like an interactive story game,” I explained. “I don’t suppose you remember a game from the late ’80s called Maniac Mansion?”
“No.”
“That was some of my inspiration for this game. You click on an action and an item, and the characters perform the action, and that’s how the story unfolds. Vince’s Ice Monkeys team jersey is missing, and you have to find it, getting clues from talking to people and noticing things around you.”
“Interesting! This sounds fun! And these are characters that you do a comic about?”
“More like an illustrated story. I made up these characters senior year of high school.”
“Wow,” Holly said. I let her sit in my chair as she started clicking around. During the opening scene, one of the other characters’ mouths started moving, but no words came out. Instead, the words appeared on the screen.
“I haven’t finished recording the voices yet,” I explained hurriedly, not wanting to interrupt her ability to hear the audible voices. After the opening scene finished, I continued, “I’ve been having all my friends record voices for me. But I haven’t done all of them yet. That’s pretty much all I have left to do on this game.”
“How do you pick up items?” she asked, clicking around and looking through the house on the screen.
“Click ‘Take’ down here, then click the item.” I showed her how the controls for the game worked, then let her continue playing.
When Holly made Dog Crap and Vince step outside, Brody said, “Which way is the kid who wants the password?”
“Right,” I said. Holly clicked on the button to make the characters walk right, where an annoying high-pitched little boy blocked Dog Crap and Vince.
“What’s the password?” he said.
“Who did his voice?” Brody asked. “One of the kids from church?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Alex Hensley.”
Holly kept trying to step past the little kid, or give him things in her inventory. Nothing made him move. Finally, Brody gave her a hint. “It involves something in your inventory right now, but you have to do something else to it first.”
Holly slowly scrolled through the items she had found in the house, carefully thinking. After some time, he clicked on the item called “deflated balloon” and asked, “Can I fill it with water and throw a water balloon at him?”
I looked at Brody, and he chuckled. “Try it,” I said. Holly walked back inside the house, placed the balloon on the edge of the kitchen faucet, and filled it with water. She walked back outside and used the item in front of the annoying kid.
“Here’s your password!” Dog Crap said on the screen. I had provided the voices of both Dog Crap and Vince, with Dog Crap in a lower, more gravelly voice than my normal voice, and Vince sounding like a bad impression of Kermit the Frog. The kid on the screen began crying and running away.
“I did it!” Holly exclaimed. “That’s so cool! How did you learn to do all this?”
“I fiddled around with programming on a Commodore 64 as a kid, but most of the time it was too slow and too limited for games I wanted to make. I took three coding classes at UJ, and the rest I just kind of taught myself over the last several months.”
“Wow. What’s that Commodore thing you mentioned?”
“An old computer from the 80s.”
“I haven’t heard of that one,” Holly said. I thought Brody had said once that Holly was twenty years old, not that much younger than me, but it still made me feel old that she had never heard of a Commodore 64.
“Can you show her the voice I recorded?” Brody asked. “He made me be this weird, deranged guy with a trench coat.”
“Sounds like the perfect part for you!” Holly replied.
“Shush, you.”
“It’s a ways further into the game, but I have the game saved at several different points for testing purposes,” I explained. “Let me get there.” I clicked on Open Game and found the file I was looking for. I walked Dog Crap and Vince to the downtown main street, where Brody’s character was waiting to talk to them.
“You do that creepy voice so well,” Holly told Brody as she listened to his character.
“You want to record a voice for me?” I asked.
“What?” Holly replied. “Me?”
“Sure. I still have some characters left to record.”
“I can’t do funny voices!”
“It doesn’t have to be funny. I’ll find a character with a normal voice for you.” I picked up my notes and looked through the list of characters. “How about this? Vince tries to hit on this random cute girl in the mall, using the same pickup line that Anakin used on Queen Amidala in Star Wars Episode I. The girl says, ‘What?’ and ‘Get away from me,’ and she slaps him. I just need to record you saying those two things.”
“Sure! So, what, I just say those things right here, and you record me?”
“Yeah,” I said. I pulled the microphone to the front of the desk, closer to Holly, and opened the file with the script and the sound recording program. I pressed Record and pointed at the two lines from the script. Holly spoke the word “What?” Next, she tried to say “Get away from me!” but about halfway through the phrase, she stumbled and started laughing.
“Don’t worry about that,” I said. “I’ll edit it later. I’ll use this for bloopers.”
“Your game even comes with a blooper reel? That’s amazing.”
“Try it again,” I instructed. Holly spoke the line correctly this time, and I stopped recording.
“I can’t wait to see the finished product! When do you think your game will be done?”
“A week or two, I’m hoping. Like I said, I’ve been working on this since July, and all I really have left is a few more voices to record.”
“Keep me posted!” she exclaimed. “Let me know when it’s done!”
“I will! I need to get ready for bed, I work in the morning, but thank you so much for helping me with this project,” I told Holly. “Your name will be in the credits.”
“Great! I’m gonna be famous!”
“Using a flexible definition of ‘famous,’ sure.”
“Let’s go back out to the living room,” Brody said. “Good night, Greg.”
“Good night,” I said.
“Good night!” Holly exclaimed. “Thanks again!”
A few minutes later, I turned the light out and climbed into bed, still thinking about the day. My life was littered with so many unfinished creative projects that it felt surreal that this one was nearing completion. It also gave me an excuse to make plans with friends, asking them to help record voices, and it gave me something to do with the youth group kids, whom I was supposed to be spending time with anyway. Making plans with people was not my strong point.
About a year later, Brody met the woman who would become his first wife, and he stopped hanging out with Holly so much, although Holly was at Brody’s wedding. I lost touch with her after that. The Dog Crap and Vince game that I was working on back then, as well as the sequel that I made about a year later, have numerous such voices of people I have long since lost touch with. I recently looked at the credits of this game, and one guy who had one line in the game, I do not even remember ever knowing anyone by that name. To this day, I have no idea who that was.
This new Bible study at Darren and Katrina’s house seemed promising, as a way to have a community in Jeromeville now that I had graduated. And I was not angry at Darren and Katrina for getting pregnant before they were married. They were doing the right thing, getting married now and being involved parents. I was somewhat angry at the world in general because of this, but life was hard, and relationships were frustrating. Everyone went through that. All I could do was stay true to what I believed, and not give up hope.
Readers: Now only 14 episodes left! (This number is subject to change, because while I have a broad outline of the rest of the story, some of my ideas may get edited out, and I may find a need to add another episode or two.)
Have you ever felt like you were doing the right thing, but things never worked out for you? Tell me about it in the comments.
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[Blink-182 – Dammit]



