My mind had been in a dark place all weekend. Friday morning, in my student teaching class, I had problems with a student talking back to me. I started to argue back, and Ms. Matthews told me condescendingly that I could not do that as a teacher. Friday evening, I was at Jeromeville Christian Fellowship, but everyone was either too busy to hang out afterward or already had specific plans. Sunday morning at church, I was talking to Pete Green and Caroline Pearson, and they mentioned having taken a day trip to Ralstonville yesterday for Sarah Winters’ wedding.
Sarah, a mathematics major like me, was one of my best friends during my undergraduate years. Sarah and I, and Pete and Caroline, were all in the same dorm as freshmen. I had heard from Sarah much less frequently after she graduated in June and moved back home, where her fiancé was. While weddings often left me feeling bittersweet at best, dwelling on my own lack of a girlfriend, I certainly would have gone to Sarah’s wedding, had I been invited. “No one told me about Sarah’s wedding,” I said, feeling confused and left out.
“They wanted a really small wedding,” Caroline explained. “There were only about twenty people there.” This was no consolation to me, because if I were to get married right now, Sarah would probably be among the first twenty people I would want to invite.
To add insult to injury, I had a song stuck in my head: “Kiss Me,” by Sixpence None the Richer. This song had been all over the radio in the last few weeks, and I was still making up my mind how I felt about this song. I had heard of this band before; they got their start in Christian music, and these days, I took notice whenever a Christian band had a hit song on mainstream radio. But this was not a Christian song; it was about kissing. I had spent the last three years listening to talks and sermons about taking things slow in relationships, not rushing physical contact, so I still had yet to experience my first kiss. Now, vocalist Leigh Nash was over here singing in her soft, breathy voice about that thing I was not supposed to think about. It was unfair. Yet the song was hauntingly catchy, and growing on me.
What if I never met anyone? What if I grew old and died alone? Would anyone remember my life? Would anyone care? Would these intense feelings of loneliness and rejection, coupled with the romantic and sexual fantasies frequently playing in my head, drive me to madness? I got home and made myself a sandwich for lunch, and by the time I finished eating, the ideas in my head were coming together to form a short story.
I sat down and started typing. When it came time to name the characters, I still had that Sixpence None the Richer song stuck in my head, so the love interest character became “Leigh,” after the band’s vocalist. I wrote for about three hours that night. I had time to finish a first draft the next day, because of the school holiday for Martin Luther King’s birthday. I did some editing during study breaks over the next few days. By Thursday night, I had perfected the story enough to print and share. I clicked Print on the computer, and the inkjet printer on my desk buzzed and whirred as five pages of my story emerged.
“Leigh’s Boyfriend”
By Gregory J. Dennison
“It’s good to see you tonight, Leigh,” Ryan said as they met outside the theater.
“Good to see you too,” Leigh replied, kissing Ryan on the lips. “Shall we go in?”
“Sure,” Ryan replied, putting his arm in Leigh’s. They walked into the theater and gave the employee their tickets. The theater was not very crowded, so Ryan pointed toward the middle of the room, not too close to the screen but not too far in the back, and turned toward Leigh with a questioning glance. She nodded. He would have been happy sitting anywhere but the back row, though; the back row held bad memories for him. The last girl Ryan brought here had wanted to sit in the back. Ryan told her after the movie that he was interested in a relationship, and she turned him down. Six days later, she started going out with his friend. None of that mattered anymore, now that he had Leigh, but he still wanted to sit in the middle of the theater. Leigh walked to the seats first, and Ryan followed her.
The lights dimmed a minute later, and the previews began. Ryan took Leigh’s hand again. He could sense her smile in the dark as her hand tightened around his, and he responded with a smile of his own. He had felt so happy ever since he and Leigh had started dating. Ryan had only had a girlfriend once before, in high school, and that had lasted about a month. But Leigh was everything Ryan could ever want in a woman. For years he had hoped for a woman he could take to the movies, or to dinner, or shopping, or just somewhere where they could talk and share each other’s lives. And at last, Leigh was that woman. He put his arm around her and began kissing her.
Ryan woke up Thursday morning at six to the sound of his alarm. He looked at the empty bed next to him, and reconstructed the events of the previous night. He brought Leigh home after the movie, and they snuggled on the couch for a while. She left a little after midnight, and Ryan went up to bed.
Ryan showered, ate breakfast, and drove to work still thinking about Leigh. When he arrived, he went to his desk to get his stuff prepared for the day. He looked at his watch and saw that he was right on time, as usual.
“Good morning, Ryan,” his coworker Paul said on his arrival.
“Hi, Paul. How are you?”
“I’m doing well. Finishing up a project. How about yourself?”
“Not bad. I saw a movie with Leigh last night.”
“Which one? How was it?”
Ryan gave Paul the movie’s title. “I actually enjoyed it. I wasn’t sure what to expect going into it, but it looked good,” Ryan said.
“I haven’t seen it yet. I’ll have to tell my wife we should see it. How is Leigh doing?”
“She’s doing well. She started working at Value Foods a month ago. She likes her job.”
“Good! You’ll have to introduce me to Leigh sometime. I’ve never met her. Do you want to come over for dinner sometime? You and Leigh, and me and Maria?”
The thought of a well-cooked meal appealed to Ryan’s bachelor taste buds instantly. “Sure,” he said. “When’s good for you?”
“How about Saturday night?”
“Sure. I’ll check with Leigh and call you this afternoon to make sure it’s okay.”
“Sounds good. Maria and I are looking forward to meeting Leigh. She sounds nice.”
“Oh, she is,” Ryan said. Another co-worker walked up to Paul’s desk as he finished his sentence, so Ryan turned his attention back to his work.
Ryan looked around the coffee shop. “It’s not usually this full,” he told Leigh.
“You’re right. I don’t know why it’s full tonight.”
“Excuse me. May I join you?” a strange voice said.
Ryan jumped in his seat, startled, as if awakening from a dream. He looked up to see a man standing next to his and Leigh’s table. The man held a cup of coffee and was looking for an open seat. Ryan’s table had only two chairs next to it. “Sorry. We’re busy,” Ryan explained.
The man looked at Leigh, then looked at Ryan, as if he were having difficulty processing Ryan’s response. “Sorry,” the man said. He walked away.
After the man walked away, Ryan turned back to Leigh. “That guy scared me. Is it just me, or was it rude for him to ask to share with us? I mean, this is a two-seat table, isn’t it?”
Leigh nodded in agreement. Ryan turned and looked out the window as it began to rain. Rain used to make Ryan depressed, but he hasn’t been as depressed in general the last couple months. He looked at Leigh. “It’s raining,” he said.
“I know,” she replied.
Ryan looked into Leigh’s watery blue eyes and smiled. She smiled back. He took a sip of his mocha.
“I don’t suppose you’re up for a walk in the rain?” Leigh asked.
“Not particularly. I’d rather do something indoors tonight.”
“Me too, now that you mention it.”
Ryan watched a car drive by out the window. “You ready to go?” he asked.
“Sure,” she replied. Ryan opened the door of the coffee shop, holding it open for Leigh. He opened his umbrella, and they both stood under it as they walked back to Ryan’s car.
“Where do you want to go now?” he asked. “My place? Yours? Somewhere else?”
“How about your place?” she suggested.
“Sounds good.” Ryan suddenly remembered something. “Paul and Maria invited us to dinner Saturday night. Can you make it?”
Leigh thought for a minute. “Sure. I don’t have to work at all on Saturday.”
“Paul keeps saying he wants to meet you.”
“I want to meet your friends too. That’ll be fun.”
Ryan pulled into his driveway. He opened the umbrella again and shared it with Leigh as they walked up to the porch. He unlocked his front door, and she walked in, with him following.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked.
“No, thanks,” she replied, smiling. “Come on,” she said, taking his hand. Leigh turned the corner and went into Ryan’s bedroom. She sat him down on the bed and joined him. She took off her sweater and then proceeded to remove Ryan’s sweatshirt. She put her arms around Ryan and kissed him passionately.
Ryan put his arms around Leigh and ran his fingers through her straight brown hair. Leigh grinned and giggled; he knew she liked that very much. Leigh reached down and pulled Ryan’s pants down around his ankles; Ryan did the same to Leigh.
Soon afterwards, Ryan and Leigh began a beautiful love-making session. Ryan told Leigh how much he loved her several times. And he did love her. She was everything he could ever ask for in a woman. Ryan had always known that the woman he ended up with would be someone who knew him inside out, someone who could understand all his quirks. When he was with Leigh, he felt like she did understand. He could, and did, talk to her about anything, and he could always trust her to help him through. And now he and Leigh shared the most intimate parts of themselves with each other.
“Hold me,” Leigh said after they finished.
“Of course,” Ryan whispered. He pulled Leigh’s back toward him and put his arms just below her bare breasts. This was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.
Ryan woke up to the sound of his alarm, as usual. One more day of work, and then the weekend. As he crawled out of his empty bed, he realized that something felt wrong to him. He also noticed that it was probably time to wash the sheets again.
Ryan walked into the office Friday morning with a smile on his face. He replied to an asynchronous chorus of greetings with a wave.
“Hey. I saw you at the coffee shop last night,” Paul said.
Ryan looked puzzled at first, but the look of puzzlement soon disappeared. “Oh, yeah. I had coffee with Leigh last night.”
“With Leigh? I didn’t see anyone else with you. It looked like you were sitting by yourself at a table in front of the window.”
“Hmm,” Ryan said. “Maybe she was hidden behind something.”
“Maybe. Are you two still coming for dinner tonight?”
“Yeah. I’m looking forward to it.”
“I’m looking forward to meeting Leigh.”
“I have to go make some copies. I’ll be right back.”
Paul had just sat down to watch a basketball game on Saturday afternoon when the telephone rang. Maria answered, and then called out to Paul, saying that the telephone was for him. Paul walked to the telephone and took the receiver from Maria. “Hello?” he said.
“Paul? It’s Ryan,” the voice on the phone said.
“Hi, Ryan. Are you and Leigh still coming for dinner tonight?”
“Well, that’s what I was calling about. Leigh just found out she has to work today.”
“Oh, no,” Paul replied. “I was looking forward to finally meeting her.”
“I’m really sorry about this. There wasn’t anything I could do about it.”
“Well, Maria was still planning on having company tonight. I know it won’t quite be the same, but do you still want to join us? Just the three of us?”
“If it’s not too much trouble, sure.”
“Great,” Paul said. “Tell Leigh I said I’m sorry she couldn’t make it.”
“I will. Bye, Paul.” Ryan hung up.
Paul replaced the telephone receiver on its cradle. “Leigh can’t come,” he said to Maria. “I told Ryan he could still come, though.”
“That’ll be nice to have him over,” Maria said. “I just noticed a few minutes ago that we need tomatoes for the salad. I’m going to run up to the store and get some.”
Paul thought about this. “Can I get the tomatoes for you?”
“Sure,” Maria said. “That’ll help.”
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Paul grabbed his keys and wallet and left.
Something had told Paul that he should be the one to buy the tomatoes, and he thought he knew why. He was curious about something, and in the heat of the moment his curiosity exceeded his patience. He drove into the Value Foods parking lot and walked toward the store. As he got there, he noticed a young woman with shoulder-length brown hair gathering shopping carts left in the parking lot. Paul walked up to the young woman. “Excuse me?” he called out.
“Yes?” the woman said, turning around.
Paul’s eyes instantly darted down to her name tag. LEIGH, EMPLOYEE SINCE 1998. Paul’s hunch was correct after all. “Aren’t you Leigh Hawkins?”
”Yes,” Leigh said, examining Paul to determine how he knew this. “Do I know you?”
“I’m Paul Richards. I work with Ryan.” Paul expected that Leigh would suddenly make the connections necessary to determine why she would know him. However, her face maintained its prior look of confusion. “Ryan Mathewson. You and Ryan were supposed to have dinner with my wife and me tonight, but he told me you had to work.”
“Ryan? He never invited me to dinner. Are you sure you have the right person? How did you know how to find me?”
“Ryan told me where you worked. You’re Leigh Hawkins. Ryan’s girlfriend. Right?”
“I’m Leigh Hawkins, but I’m not Ryan’s girlfriend. Ryan and I went out twice last month, but we’re not dating. Things didn’t really work out like that. What did he tell you about me?”
Suddenly, things seemed clear to Paul, and he did not like what he was figuring out. “I’m sorry, Leigh,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”
“That’s okay.”
“I guess I got my stories a little mixed up.”
“That’s okay. Have a nice day. And tell Ryan I said hi.”
“Okay,” Paul said, although he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t. It would do more harm than good at this point.
“Could you pass the mashed potatoes, please?” Ryan asked.
“Sure,” Maria replied.
“Thanks for still having me over. I’m sorry I had to come alone.”
Paul waited for about a five-second lull in the conversation. Ryan was about to break the silence when Paul spoke. “I know why Leigh isn’t here,” Paul explained.
“Because she got called to work,” Ryan replied. “I told you.”
“Ryan, it’s okay. I don’t know why you’re doing this, but you can be honest with me. I was at Value Foods today, and I talked to Leigh.”
Ryan looked at Paul. His jaw dropped slightly. No words came out of his mouth, though. The look on his face was one of pure terror. His last line of defense had fallen.
“Ryan, I want to help you. I don’t know why you created this delusion, but you can get help for it. It’s okay. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Let’s just finish dinner.”
Ryan stood up. “I’m insulted,” he said. “First you go spy on me by talking to Leigh behind my back, then you claim that I’m lying about our relationship. Well, I’m not! We—”
“Ryan, I didn’t spy on you. I had to go to the store for something else, and I thought I would go meet Leigh. And I’m trying to help you. As a friend.”
“Some friend you are. I’ll be sure to get your permission before Leigh and I go out again,” Ryan said sarcastically. He stomped out the door, leaving his food uneaten.
Ryan started his car and pulled away from Paul’s house. He had probably lost Paul as a friend for a while, but he thought that was all the better since he did not want friends who spied on him. He was probably just jealous.
Ryan opened the door to his apartment. “Hey, babe,” Leigh said from the couch.
“Leigh? I thought you were at work.”
“I got off early,” she said. “I thought I’d come hang out here for a while.”
Ryan sat on the couch next to Leigh. She immediately snuggled up next to him. Ryan put his arms around her and kissed her. He loved everything about Leigh’s kisses, especially the way they always tasted like couch cushions. He reached down and slowly unzipped Leigh’s pants; he felt her smooth legs as his hands ran along the surface of the cushion foam filling. He took off his shirt and rubbed the cushion against it, with a blissful grin on his face.
“It’s weird,” Jed said after reading the story. “But I like it!”
“Thanks,” I replied. I wanted to share my story with someone, particularly to see how someone else would react to the twist in the ending, and since my roommate Jed was home, I started with him.
“What’s weird?” Brody, another of our housemates, asked, walking into the living room.
“I wrote a story,” I replied.
“Can I read it?”
“Sure.” I handed Brody the printed copy of my story, and he said he would read it later. Shortly before bedtime that night, he told me he thought the ending was hilarious. That was not a word I would expect one to use to describe a serious, dark story, but he was right. It was hilarious.
Fortunately, my actual life had not yet gotten to the point where I was making up an imaginary girlfriend. But I had no one special in my life, except for a couple of silly unrequited crushes, and every time I tried to express interest in a girl, one of three things happened. She was often not interested back, like Haley Channing junior year. My words might get taken the wrong way, like what happened with Carrie Valentine last year. Or I would get to know a girl as a friend first, the way that I was told to, and while I was getting to know her, she would run off and find someone else, like Sadie Rowland had. This weekend, I would be attending something that I hoped might give me some answers about all of this, so I was feeling slightly optimistic and not completely consumed by darkness yet. But that is a story for next time.
Readers: Tell me about a time you channeled your dark thoughts into something creative.
If you like what you read, don’t forget to like this post and follow this blog. Also follow Don’t Let The Days Go By on Facebook and Instagram.
Don't Let The Days Go By 