I rode my bike along the path on campus that passes between the North Residential Area and the Recreation Pavilion.  I thought about how, one week from now, I would be inside the Pavilion, wearing a cap and gown, receiving a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Jeromeville.  It felt so surreal that four years at UJ had already passed, and with so many recent events in my life centered on the end of the school year, my upcoming graduation was on my mind often.  But first, I had three final exams.

As I continued my ride on that Saturday afternoon, zigzagging across campus, my mind wandered to thoughts of Dog Crap and Vince, my website with crudely illustrated stilly stories about two quirky teens and their friends.  I had not made a new episode in several months, and I was playing with a few ideas in my head.  But, just after I crossed from campus into downtown Jeromeville, I got a brilliant idea while waiting at a red light on Third Street.

I should make a Dog Crap and Vince board game.

I had made a board game before.  Two years ago, I was at my parents’ house during summer break, and my brother Mark and I made a silly game called The Adventures of Erzix, based on a bunch of inside jokes.  In that game, the players raced around the board fighting weird characters in the neighborhood by rolling dice.  Players could collect Item cards, some of which increased the probability of winning a fight.  I could adapt some of these principles to a game based on Dog Crap and Vince, but I did not want the entire game based around fighting.  Dog Crap and Vince was a relatively peaceful and nonviolent fictional universe.  Maybe, I thought, instead of having to battle, players would complete tasks, based on previous episodes of Dog Crap and Vince.  A while back, I made a movie with the youth group kids at church in which Dog Crap and Vince traveled to Jeromeville to meet a video game master named Fish Boy, but their friend who drove them got lost.  So one of the tasks could be to find Fish Boy and not get lost.  And maybe there could be a Map card that prevented the player from getting lost.

I thought about elements of other board games that I could incorporate into the Dog Crap and Vince game.  Play money was a key part of many classic games like Monopoly and The Game of Life.  How could I incorporate money into my game?  Maybe the player also needed money to complete the tasks.  The player had to ride a train to Jeromeville, for example, and buy a ticket.  Players would have to choose between two strategies: attempting goals quickly, or waiting to collect enough items to guarantee successful completion.

After I got home from my bike ride, I showered, changed into clean clothes, and sat down at my desk to sketch the board for the Dog Crap and Vince game.  I borrowed the design of the board from the Erzix game; the board was a rectangle, with another path down the middle, and players could move in any direction.

Later that night, I decided to be productive, since after all, it was finals week.  I got out my handwritten notes for Dr. Hurt’s Christian Theology class and retyped everything into a Microsoft Word document; I had found that this was an effective way of studying for me.  I had started working on this yesterday, and I was about halfway through.

I opened another Word document where I typed anything that came to mind for the Dog Crap and Vince game.  I had decided by now what the three tasks would be, and more Item cards were coming to mind as I attempted to study.  I was also thinking that there should be a second deck of cards, similar to Chance or Community Chest in Monopoly, where the result of the card could be good or bad depending on the card drawn.  These Encounter cards, as I decided to call them, allowed me to include more characters and scenarios from existing episodes of Dog Crap and Vince.  For example, I made one Encounter card that required the player to fight the same school bully character who was the antagonist from my movie, with the fight resolved by a dice roll as in the Erzix game.

I knew that I needed to focus on studying for a while, but I took a break after copying two more chapters to think of more Items and Encounters.  I marked squares on the board where the player would draw an Item or an Encounter card.  I also added locations from Dog Crap and Vince’s world around the board.  Some of these locations would have special roles in the game, and players would be sent to other locations by Encounter cards.  It took me a while to get to sleep that night, because I kept thinking about this game.

“Greg!” Taylor Santiago said as soon as he saw me leave the building after church the next morning.  “What’s up?  How’s your finals week looking?”

“I have Christian Theology tomorrow, math Tuesday morning, and Healthful Living Thursday,” I replied.  “And the writing class doesn’t have a final.  I had to revise my story from earlier in the year, and that was already due Thursday.”

“I was going to ask, can you come over Tuesday night?  Noah and I are going to have a game night for a study break.  We’re gonna have snacks, and we’re gonna play Settlers of Catan.  You’ve played that with us, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.  Once.  That sounds good.  I’ll be there.”

“How’s studying going?” Taylor asked.

“It’s going.  I’m a little distracted, because I suddenly got this great idea.  Isn’t it weird how my best creative ideas always happen when I have a lot of work to do?”

“Yay for procrastination!  What kind of idea?”

“I’m making a board game based on Dog Crap and Vince.”

“That’s cool!  What’s it like?”

“You move around the board and complete tasks by rolling dice, and you can collect items to make it more likely to complete the tasks.”

“That sounds fun!  Bring it on Tuesday if it’s ready to play.  I wanna try this.”

“I will!”

After I said hi to a few others, I walked back home, made lunch, and then went back to my computer to work on the Dog Crap and Vince game.  Although this game was mostly nonviolent, I kept one of the fighting aspects of Erzix: when a player landed on an already occupied square, the two would fight, by rolling dice, with the winner stealing an Item and a dollar from the loser.  I also added silly weapon Items that would add to the die roll for a fight.

I tried to think of other ideas I could borrow from existing games.  I added Encounter cards that send the player to Detention, which worked similarly to Jail in Monopoly, as well as Items that a player could use to send someone else to Detention.  I got more ideas while studying over the next few days, and after my final on Monday morning, I printed the text of the cards on the printer, adding my drawings below the text.

On Tuesday, after my math final, I brought the drawings for Dog Crap and Vince to the coin-operated copy machines in the library and copied them.  I did not want to cut apart and assemble the original drawings, as I did with the Erzix game; instead, I made photocopies, so that I could make additional copies of the game for others once it was perfected.  Also, this way, if I made changes to the game, I also would not need to start completely over; I could just modify the originals slightly and copy them again.

When I got home, I glued file folders together to make a board that folded in three parts and glued the copies of the game board drawings onto it.  I cut out the cards and assembled them, gluing the front to the back, so that the cards were twice as thick as normal sheets of paper.  They would still have to be shuffled carefully.

I heard the front door open, followed by footsteps in my direction.  Sean opened the door to our shared bedroom.  “Hey, Greg,” he said.  “What are you working on?”

“A Dog Crap and Vince board game.  It’s my new procrastination project.”

“Procrastination project?  Do you have one every finals week?”

“Not all the time.  But I do seem to get my best ideas when I have tons of stuff to do.”

“How do you play?”

“I’ll show you after it’s done.  I’m…” I trailed off before finishing my sentence.  If I told Sean about the game night at Taylor’s house, I would feel rude not inviting him, but since it was Taylor’s event, I did not feel right bringing someone else without permission.  I decided on a compromise, even though it would require me to have a conversation that could get uncomfortable.  “Taylor is hosting a study break game night tonight.  I told him I was working on this game, and he said I could bring it.  Do you want me to ask if you can come?”

“Tonight?  I was already going to a study group for my Wildlife Bio class.”

“No problem,” I said, relieved that I would not have to ask Taylor if I could bring Sean.

When the time came to go to Taylor’s house, I took one die out of my Monopoly game and put it in a shoe box with the game board, card, and pieces.  I made the six-minute walk to Taylor’s house, carrying the box.

“Hey, Greg,” Taylor said when I arrived.  I looked around the room; Noah Snyder and Brody Parker were also there, along with Martin Rhodes, who lived there.  Adam White, the youth pastor at church, also lived in this house, but he appeared to be busy in his room.  “Did you bring it?” Taylor asked.

“I did,” I said, holding up the shoebox.

“What’s that?” Noah asked.

“I made a board game based on Dog Crap and Vince,” I explained.

“That sounds fun!  Are we gonna play it?”

“Taylor told me to bring it.  Should we play this first, or Catan, or something else?”

“Let’s do your game first,” Taylor said.  “Does anyone else care?”

“That’s fine,” Martin said.  “I want to see this game.”  Brody did not object either.

I opened the board on the table and began explaining.  “The object of the game is to be the first to complete three tasks.”  I pointed to each of the spaces on the board where these tasks would be completed as I explained, “Ride the train to Jeromeville and find Fish Boy to train you at video games.”

“I remember that,” said Noah, who had seen the movie multiple times.

“Wait in line for a Giant Quadruple Burger,” I explained.  “And go to the Ice Monkeys game and get your favorite player’s autograph.”

“Ice Monkeys?” Taylor asked.

“My brother made up that name,” I explained.  “That was his team when we did the Moport tournaments.  And I’ve used it in Dog Crap and Vince too.”

“Oh, yeah.”

I continued explaining about Items, Encounters, and Detention, and I went through the stack of Items explaining what each card did.  “Any questions?” I asked when I finished.

“Is this all written down somewhere?” Brody asked sarcastically.

“Right here,” I said, pulling the printed rules out of the box.

“I think it might be better to just go, and we’ll figure it out,” Noah suggested.

“Okay,” I said.  “Let’s roll to see who goes first.”  Each of us rolled the die, and Martin got the highest number.  I dealt one Item and five dollars to each player, the standard hand for starting the game.  Martin rolled and moved left toward the train station.  I rolled next and moved up the middle, toward the cheeseburger goal.  After my recent obsession with In-N-Out Burger, my brother had named the fast food restaurant in Dog Crap and Vince “Up-N-Down Burger,” a comically obvious parody.  I included this name in my game.

On my second turn, I landed on the space for Up-N-Down Burger.  “So now I have to wait in line for the burger.  I roll the dice to see if I’m stuck in line.”

“What do you need to get?” Taylor asked.

“4 or higher is success, 3 or lower is failure.  Same as all of the tasks.”  I rolled a 2.  “Stuck in line.  So I wait here and try again on my next turn.”  Later, on my next turn, I rolled a 5, so I paid five dollars for my giant cheeseburger.

“How do you keep track of who has completed which goals?” Noah asked.

“You just have to remember,” I said.

“You should make little tokens to pick up for each goal.  Then you don’t have to remember, and everyone can see who has what.”

“That’s a good idea,” I replied.  “I’ll work on that.”

On Brody’s next turn, he reached the train station.  He showed a Train Ticket Item card and said, “I have this Train Ticket.  So I can ride the train without paying?”

“Yes,” I said.

“And I completed this goal?”

“You have to roll for it.  Because you might get lost trying to find Fish Boy.”

“I need a 4 or higher?”

“Yes.

Brody rolled 1.  “Well that sucks.”

On Brody’s next turn, he rolled again and got 4.  “So now I found Fish Boy?”

“No,” I replied.  “You have to leave and come back.  And buy another ticket.”

“What?  How come you didn’t have to do that with the burger?”

“The rules are different for the burger.  You’re just waiting in line.  But with the train station, you have to take a trip on the train, and if you don’t find Fish Boy, you still have to catch the train back home.”

“Whatever,” Brody said.  I could tell that he disapproved of this rule, but each task was different, and it was all written down.

Martin was the first one to complete all three tasks.  “Now what?” he asked.

“You need to go back home, but you need to get there on an exact roll.”  My turn was next, so I placed an Item from my hand on the board, with the corner of the card pointing to the space right in front of the Home space.  “And you’ll need to get past this Roadblock,” I said.

“What does that mean?” Martin asked.

“You need a Bomb to blow it up.  Move right next to the Roadblock.  You can stop in front of the Roadblock even if you rolled a higher number.  Then, at the start of your turn, play the Bomb, and put both cards in the discard pile.

“The Roadblock is a cow blocking the road!” Taylor exclaimed, looking at my drawing on the card.  “You’re gonna have him blow up a cow?”

“I guess,” I said, chuckling.  I had not thought of that.

It was still my turn, so I rolled the die and moved.  “Encounter,” I said.  I picked up the card and read it out loud.  “Sludge gives you a Christmas present.  Get one Item.”

“What’s that thing on his head?” Brody asked.

“It’s his hair.  He has one long spike of hair in the front.  He’s from an actual episode.  Sludge is a really weird kid at their school.”

“That’s really saying something, since Dog Crap and Vince aren’t exactly normal.”

“Really,” I said.  I drew an Item card from the deck and immediately played it.  “I found Evidence.  Martin, go to detention.”

“Aw, man,” Martin said, moving his piece to the Detention space.

“What does it say on the card?” Taylor asked.

“It’s a badly forged letter.  It says, ‘Please excuse Vince from class because I’m sick.’”

“‘Because I’m sick?’” Taylor repeated, laughing.  “That’s good.”

“Is there a ‘Get Out of Detention’ card?” Martin asked.

“I have one,” Taylor said.  “What will you give me for it?”

“Are you allowed to do that?” Noah asked.

“Yes,” I said.  “Players can buy, sell, and trade Items freely.”

“You have four dollars?” Martin said, looking over at Taylor’s money pile.  “I’ll give you three dollars.  I don’t need money anymore, and that’ll give you enough to get the Box Seats and get your last goal without having to roll.  Then we can have a fair race to the finish line.”

“Deal,” Taylor said, giving Martin his Get Out Of Detention card.

“This is interesting,” I said, watching, as I took my turn and moved in the direction of the stadium, my last goal.  “I didn’t expect there to be all this negotiation when I got the idea for this game.  But I like it.”

“Yeah,” Taylor replied.  “It’s interesting how you can’t always anticipate everything.”

After Martin got out of Detention, he moved toward the goal, reaching the Roadblock on his second turn.  He blew up the Roadblock, leaving him two spaces from the end, but he rolled a 4.  “You said I need exactly 2 to get to the goal?” Martin asked.

“Yes.  Going Home for the win is the only time you need exact roll to get to a dead-end square.”

“So I just stay here?”

“No,” I explained.  “You still have to move 4, in a different direction.”

On Taylor’s next turn, he landed on the same square as Martin.  “Fight!” Taylor said.  He played a card from his hand and shouted, “Fart Spray!”

“What?” Martin asked.  He looked at my drawing of Vince spraying a can of Fart Spray in Dog Crap’s face.  “Dude!  Dog Crap is wearing a BWF shirt!”

“Yeah,” I said.  “I put that in there just for fun.”

“So I add 1 to my roll for the Fart Spray,” Taylor said.  He rolled the dice and got a 4.  “So that’s 5.  You have to beat a 5.”

Martin rolled a 6.  “Like that?” you mean.

“Ohhhhh!” Brody shouted.  “Taylor still lost!”

Martin and Taylor continued back and forth for a few turns, neither one of them getting the exact roll they needed.  In the meantime, I finished my third goal and began moving toward Home, getting the exact roll on my first try.  “I win,” I said.

“What?” Martin cried out in protest.

“It’s rigged!” Taylor shouted.  “You made the game!”

“I just got the right rolls,” I said, shrugging.

“I know.  Just kidding.  Good game.”

The original plan for that Tuesday night was to play Settlers of Catan; we played one game, and Noah won.  I taught the game to Sean the next day. I played the Dog Crap and Vince game with my church friends a few other times that summer.  I went home to visit my family a few weeks later, and I taught it to them.  I got it out every once in a while when I went to game nights.  But the game really began to take on a life of its own about four years later.  I was living in Riverview, teaching middle school, and running a Board Game Club once a week after school.  I taught the game to some of the students there, even though they were unfamiliar with Dog Crap and Vince, and they loved it.  They especially enjoyed putting me, their teacher, in detention.  I had a color printer at that time, so I printed a new copy of the game, adding color to my original 1998 drawings.

In my early thirties, I brought the game to a new friend’s house; he was instantly intrigued, and it became a regular go-to activity for me and this new group of friends for a while.  We had an annual tournament every year from 2009 to 2018; I won three of the ten championships.  The Dog Crap and Vince game was definitely one of my more enduring creations, and it is interesting to think about how it all started because I was procrastinating during finals week.  I did well on all of my finals, though, so it all worked out.

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Readers: What’s your favorite lesser-known board game or card game, if you have one? Tell me about it in the comments.

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